Nobody Can Practice for You

I've recently started reading Michael Hebron's Play Golf to Learn Golf. As someone who spends a questionable amount of time trying to convince a little white ball to go where I want it, I found this observation particularly interesting:

"The seeds of progress are watered by self-discovery and self-assessment, avoiding the blind spots that following directions can cause."

Anyone who plays golf knows the danger of too many swirling swing thoughts.

Head down. Back of the glove towards the target at impact. Good tempo. Relaxed grip. Low follow through. And whatever you do, don't think about the water on the right.

Of course, next stop...water hazard.

Sometimes we're so busy following instructions we forget to actually learn.

Knowing When to Get Out of the Way

There's an important distinction between teaching someone what to do and helping them discover how to do it.

Helping professional encounter this constantly.

We provide resources, offer guidance, solve problems, and connect people with opportunities. But if we're not careful, we become so good at helping that we make ourselves indispensable.

That's not the goal.

As social workers, our clearest sign of our success is when our clients no longer need us.

They've developed the skills, confidence, resources, and independence to navigate life's challenges without us.

That's worth remembering when our instinct is to jump in with an answer.

Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is ask a question, offer some encouragement, and allow someone the space to figure it out.

Obviously, that doesn't mean abandoning people to systems that are difficult to navigate, which is most of them. It means providing support while building their capacity to move forward independently.

The Same Goes for Us

Here's where Hebron's observation comes full circle.

How often do we approach our own wellness by looking for someone else's instructions?

The perfect morning routine. The perfect workout. The perfect diet. The perfect productivity system. The perfect self-care checklist.

We collect advice like golfers collect swing tips.

But what actually works for you?

What restores your energy? What consistently drains it? What boundaries improve your relationships? What habits help you feel and perform better?

Those answers require experimentation, reflection, and a willingness to occasionally bang one off cart barn.

Coaches, mentors, and experts should provide valuable guidance. But nobody can do the actual learning for us.

Good coaching doesn't create dependence. It builds independence.

Whether we're helping a client navigate life, improving our own well-being, or trying desperately to keep a golf ball somewhere in front of where we can find it, the principle is the same.

The goal isn't to become better at following instructions.

It's to become better at understanding ourselves.

The golf ball doesn't care how many instructional videos we've watched.

Take this with you:

Where am I relying on someone else's instructions when I could be learning from my own experience?